From the Vault: Ron, the Salesman

Recently found a folder of the stuff I wrote in the 9th grade creative writing class…. It’s all atrocious, and wonderful. Here’s a little bit of angsty drivel I turned in as a response to a prompt. I have not edited a thing. (My comments, however, are in italics.)

These were my Prompt Cards, as filled in my classmates:

1. Dr. Smithers- humorous, doesn’t care about work, the worst doctor in the world.

2. Nurse Corin- Beautiful, young and delicate.

3. A wet, moldy kitchen- dark and cold.

4. Ron, a store clerk, has to assist a clown with her purchase or else he will be fired.

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Without further adieu, I give you….. Ron, the Salesman

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“Yo, Ron! Get back to work!”

Ron ducked under a row of toilet paper, trying to evade his boss. Model employee behavior. A woman in red heels walked by and pushed open a door. “Yo, Ron!” Ron’s boss yelled again, “Come over here, I need you to help this customer!” Ron stole another glance at the closing door, then trudged back through the aisles of ice cream to where his boss waited, impatient as always .

“Hi… um…” he started, blacking out before he could get to the third word. Because before Ron’s eyes was a real-life, hones-to-goodness Circus Clown. Her hair was hidden under a curly red wig, her face covered in black and white paint. She even had a red nose and oversized, multipatterned clothes! Ohhmyyygossh! Looking down, he saw that her oversized shoes rested on unicycle peddles. “Wow,” he mumbled, then cleared his throat, “so what are you looking for?”

“A blender,” she declared.

Ron scratched his stubble… “Well, I don’t think we carry blenders… but we can go to the kitchen, I guess…”Right, of course, yes, come to the kitchen. COS ALL SUPERMARKETS HAAAVE KITCHENS!! 

So they go back through the rows of ice cream, past the aisle of toilet paper, and through the mysterious swinging door. So I liked to describe my characters’ trek through aisles even then… Ron’s heart thudded in his chest. As opposed to where else? His kneeees? That nurse in the red heels was in here! The.. nurse? Where is she now? But he kept his calm (you go Ron, you keep that calm) and showed the unicycling clown the blender that was plugged into the wall. All of a sudden, he turned it on and the clown plunged her hand into it! ….WUT…

Blood was everywhere! Get some water! Get some disinfectant! The clown was screaming (you don’t say?) and the red-headed nurse ran back onto the room! Oh, she’s red-HEADED now? I thought her shoes were red… She whipped out her phone —whoooooosh– and called her boss. He came quick as lightning (beeeyoootiful metaphor) but just fell down laughing (the proper reaction)at the sight of the delicate nurse, the overweight salesman (Since when has he been overweight?) and the unicycling clown with the bloody stump. THE END!! 🙂

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2 thoughts on “From the Vault: Ron, the Salesman

  1. This might be ‘from the vault’ and not something you would write today, but I couldn’t help but laugh. It was strange and creative and not something you’d expect. I really enjoyed it! Clowns and kitchens and blood and all!

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